You'd Think We Might Learn

But we generally don't.

To Chapter 137 on the Occasion of Our Parting,

If I hadn't been sane, I would have written to you a long time ago.

As it was, our correspondence got off to a slow start. I mean, I knew you were out there some time back around January when the road to what I like to think of as the End began. You'll tell me it's silly, I know. It is. There is no end.

Warning: May Cause Drowsiness and Irritability

I've followed Toronto FC since 2007 when Danny Dichio banged in the team's first goal. It was the first game of pro soccer I'd ever watched voluntarily on TV. I was hooked.

The losing, like the goal, has been curiously addictive. Nothing made sense about the team now and it sure doesn't today, after another hopeless draw, at the end of a hopeless season, sans most of the management and playing staff that started said season. (Remember Hogan Ephraim? Hallucinogenic, I tell you.)

Toronto FC has developed into a very strong sedative, and it really is unique amongst drugs because it used to be a stimulant--I'd sit on the edge of my seat waiting for Collin Samuel (who?) to score a goal, and fall back off the high when he missed from six yards out.

Rant: Writing Clever Journalism

Today I learned how to write clever.

I learned that alliteration is cool and makes you look like a leader in light language. I learned that putting any metaphor--any metaphor at ALL!--into writing makes you Stephen Hawking (smart!--see what we're doing here. Nifty, eh? I thought so, too).

Simple language can be beautiful, and I've heard many examples of this over the course of going on five years in J-School. There's also nothing I hate more than reading some cooked-up, purple-prosed, overwritten piece of artistic drivel, whether it happens to be fiction or non-fiction.

Nor do I want to seem like I'm discouraging metaphor and writing techniques like alliteration in journalism. The CP Styleguide could certainly use the odd little flourish, and too often news writing is devoid of personality. Writing with feelings gives it back.

What I take issue with, in the discussion of trying to write, is that there is a lot more to this craft than throwing a metaphor in or trying a little bit of mood. I'm by no means a great writer, but I know I'd cringe if I ever threw anything into any piece of writing, non-fiction or fiction, without reason or reflection. There is a craft here.